Sunday, July 5, 2009

Things I Should Say To A Hooters Waitress

Did I just refer to them as waitresses? The term waitress is indicative of work and effort. I digress, ah The Hooters. One of the last bastions of politically incorrect forms of "guy-time." I won't go into a terrible diatribe bashing Hoots, I don't care enough, but I'll say this; the food and service is terrible. At the end of the day, it's still a place of dining. Maybe your PG-13 version of sex and stripper-like clubs, but still a place of business nonetheless. I have never gone for the food, it's terrible. To me, it gets my Spike TV loving, thrill-seeking douchebag friends a chance to look at scantily-clad women pour beer into a mug while staring at some cleavage. One thing I noticed about the service is that the girls seem to show pity and thus some inkling of a personality towards fat losers, cripples and white trash people that bring the entire family, including the kids. I don't fall into any of those categories, so most of the time, I am shit out of luck in the customer service realm. With that said, here is a short list of things I'd like to say to a Hooters server:

Do you fuck while while wearing the "uniform?"
Make the hand-quotes when you ask too, just so they get the point. Unless she has a great personality (which I seriously doubt) or is too hot for you to ask, I really see no point in dating a "server" without doing this. Who wouldn't want to drop those tiny orange shorts at least once in their lifetime? Hmmm, perhaps that's another restaurant altogether (tossing the name Cooters around), but I'll save that for another blog.

You're gorgeous! You must be a high-end working girl!
I've been told I have an eye for the ones that are banging local mayors.

Do you have a boyfriend? I bet he has never introduced you to his parents!
I wouldn't either.

Thank you for the bill, may I grab your tits?
Even though I am the one getting fucked with overpriced, shitty food, I still like to grab a girl's boobs during any halfway decent American sexual encounter.

Get me some eggs, will ya?
Hey, no deep-seed issues with this one, sometimes I just want some damn eggs from time to time. They're fuckin healthy for ya.

Fuck off.
Kids learn this early on; the good looking people win in life in the interim. Sorry Molly Ringwold, but its usually true. You're good looking, you get attention, so you can get away with lousy, insincere service and still get that great tip by the fat, crippled guy. Looks fade, the tits will get saggy, unless crippy boy get you that lift. Fuck off.

When it's all said and done, when my friends go to Hooters, I walk to the nearby Friendlys and get better food at a friendlier price, then meet up for a beer. I'll take a fat chick serving me good food while providing excellent customer service any day of the week over a miserable Hooters girl that is more focused on having her loser boyfriend in the 1998 Honda Civic with the bad rims pick her up so she can get a "Mani" or a "Pedi." Chances are the fat chick at Friendly's is better in the sack too, after all, she did provide better service, right? I'm just sayin...

-JF

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good day !.
might , perhaps curious to know how one can manage to receive high yields .
There is no initial capital needed You may start to get income with as small sum of money as 20-100 dollars.

AimTrust is what you need
The company represents an offshore structure with advanced asset management technologies in production and delivery of pipes for oil and gas.

It is based in Panama with affiliates around the world.
Do you want to become really rich in short time?
That`s your choice That`s what you wish in the long run!

I`m happy and lucky, I started to get real money with the help of this company,
and I invite you to do the same. If it gets down to select a correct companion utilizes your funds in a right way - that`s the AimTrust!.
I make 2G daily, and what I started with was a funny sum of 500 bucks!
It`s easy to get involved , just click this link http://zofovopeb.lookseekpages.com/elonoga.html
and go! Let`s take this option together to become rich

Anonymous said...

Good day !.
might , perhaps curious to know how one can manage to receive high yields .
There is no initial capital needed You may begin earning with as small sum of money as 20-100 dollars.

AimTrust is what you need
AimTrust incorporates an offshore structure with advanced asset management technologies in production and delivery of pipes for oil and gas.

It is based in Panama with structures around the world.
Do you want to become a happy investor?
That`s your choice That`s what you wish in the long run!

I feel good, I started to take up income with the help of this company,
and I invite you to do the same. It`s all about how to select a proper partner who uses your money in a right way - that`s the AimTrust!.
I make 2G daily, and my first investment was 500 dollars only!
It`s easy to start , just click this link http://qofyzebave.angelcities.com/qazupex.html
and lucky you`re! Let`s take this option together to get rid of nastiness of the life

Anonymous said...

Hi!
You may probably be very interested to know how one can manage to receive high yields on investments.
There is no initial capital needed.
You may begin earning with a sum that usually goes
for daily food, that's 20-100 dollars.
I have been participating in one company's work for several years,
and I'll be glad to share my secrets at my blog.

Please visit blog and send me private message to get the info.

P.S. I make 1000-2000 per daily now.

http://theblogmoney.com

Anonymous said...

Hi!
You may probably be very curious to know how one can make real money on investments.
There is no need to invest much at first.
You may begin to get income with a sum that usually is spent
on daily food, that's 20-100 dollars.
I have been participating in one project for several years,
and I'll be glad to let you know my secrets at my blog.

Please visit my pages and send me private message to get the info.

P.S. I earn 1000-2000 per daily now.

[url=http://theinvestblog.com] Online investment blog[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://vegasonlines.net/hoyle-casino-2006.html]vegas online casino [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/holland-casino.html]online casino for fun [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/hampton-casino-ballroom.html]empleo casino argentina [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/lake-of-the-torches-casino.html]flash online casino [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/laughlin-casino-hotels.html]casino career centre [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/casino-windsor.html]casino ganar maquina [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/boulder-casino.html]casino nuevo europa america jugar bajar [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/turning-stone-casino.html]descargar juegos de casino [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/instant-casino-bonus.html]online casino with money coupon [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/james-bond-casino-royale.html]casino job atlantic city [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/gold-coast-casino.html]casino club golf [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/grand-biloxi-casino.html]maquina tragaperras casino [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/casino-affiliate.html]mejor casino espanol [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/nj-casino.html]lago tahoe tahoe biltmore lodge casino [/url]
[url=http://vegasonlines.net/sandia-resort-casino.html]juego de casino gratis [/url]
truco ganar maquina casino
[b]san juan san juan marriott resort stellaris casino[/b]
laura casino strip poker
no deposit no download casino online
[b]las vegas online casino[/b]
casino niagara fallsview
[u]casino promocion online[/u]
casino gran madrid
casino rama
[b]top casino[/b]
logo maquina casino
casino online poker slot

Anonymous said...

[url=http://seghan.ru/go.php?sid=35][img]http://s001.radikal.ru/i194/1001/f2/3b8e742581a0.jpg[/img][/url]












[url=http://qzexaua.flackert.de/sitemap.html]buy cigarettes without fsc [/url]
buy cheap cigarettes free shipping buy market cigarettes online buy ukrainian cigarettes
[url=http://ubpscsn.pro.ac/]buy cigarettes from china [/url]
sites to buy cigarettes where can i order jezebel cigarettes where can i buy marker menthol 100 cigarettes in ga.
[url=http://vjzvmeu.il.gp/]cheap cigarettes buy can [/url]
order cigarettes from mexico buy cigarette tubes buy american sprit cigarettes
[url=http://tyouhca.xn--geglckt-q2a.de/]buy american sprit cigarettes [/url]
buy saratoga cigarettes on line buy mexican cigarettes electric cigarettes to buy
[url=http://vonzura.misslich.de/]online cigarettes to buy [/url]
cigarette to buy where to buy cigarettes for resell is buying cigarettes online illegal
[url=http://tioozua.connection24.de/sitemap.html]where is the cheapest place to buy cigarettes [/url]
buy merit cigarettes buying cigarettes on-line buy cigarette holders
[url=http://powjxun.wieder-mal.de/]clove cigarettes where to buy [/url]
buy cigarettes in delaware where can i buy davidoff cigarettes order camel crush cigarettes
[url=http://vjzvmeu.il.gp/]buy cigarettes in nh [/url]
buying cigarettes online canada order cigarettes online uk order newport cigarettes
[url=http://deuaexj.naheliegend.de/sitemap.html]buy cigarettes from overseas [/url]
best place online to buy cigarettes buying cigarettes age legal buy cigarettes online
[url=http://cauvzah.weinend.de/]buy cheap dunhill menthol cigarettes [/url]
buy market cigarettes online buy canada cigarettes cigarettes buy cheap duty free online

Anonymous said...

Glad to materialize here. Good day or night everybody!

For sure you didn’t here about me yet,
my parents call me James F. Collins.
Generally I’m a social gmabler. all my life I’m carried away by online-casino and poker.
Not long time ago I started my own blog, where I describe my virtual adventures.
Probably, it will be interesting for you to read my travel notes and reports about winnings and losses on this way.
Please visit my diary. http://allbestcasino.com I’ll be glad would you find time to leave your opinion.

Anonymous said...

Incredible quest there. What happened after? Take care!
Also visit my site ... amphora tobacco

Anonymous said...

Really when someone doesn't know then its up to other people that they will assist, so here it happens.
Also visit my site captain black

Anonymous said...

Hi, i think that i saw you visited my weblog thus i
came to “return the favor”.I am attempting to find things to improve my
website!I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!
!
Here is my weblog - skin lightening