Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Fixie Bike Craze

Well this post may raise the ire of some people. A few which I know on a first name basis. I harbor no ill will towards them and I think everyone should have interests. Schizophrenics have pacing, the obsessive compulsives have washing their hands, mathletes have masturbation and the chronically dull have fixie bicycles. Don't know what a fixie is? Well you lucky devil you... here is a picture...Take a look at that. It's what the product of an incestuous relationship between one of Dr. Seuss's nightmares and one of his wet dreams would look like. This notwithstanding, scads of young people have taken to this nonsense like flies to shit ; which truly is the perfect analogy. It is a bicycle my friends, no more, no less. The bicycle which for all intents and purposes is a lovely creation stemming from the need to get around is nothing more than a mode of transportation. In some instances it is used for competitive sport and in others, for exercise. Some people like to just take a leisurely ride on a Sunday afternoon in the warmer months. Yet my generation for some reason has decided that this utilitarian way of getting around has to be artistic. It HAS to be, or else the passion would be exposed for what it is ; a hobby.

The sad truth folks is that when people look back a hundred years from now they will look at this generation as a group of people who were pissed off that they had nothing to be pissed off about and that was so bereft of anything truly inspirational that they tacked, "art" on to anything they could find. Biking counter-culture? For the love of God why? The cynical need for everyone to have their own niche is getting frustrating to the point of angering. Must everything have a counter-culture attached to it? From now on I'm going to gussy up my Q-Tips. Dye them, maybe import synthetic materials to form the swabs. OH OH OH I know... I'll get groups of other depressing fuckers who cling to these hobbies for the fact that they are personally boring and need these pursuits to have something to talk about together, and we can swap stories about particularly "gnraly" veins of earwax we had "shredded." I will call them, "Tipsy's' and it will become the next sensation! It's not too far from the truth.

Is there merit to the fixie bike craze? You'd think that I would say no but you'd be wrong. There is a tremendous amount of merit to it and the most glaring kernel of merit is this ; it keeps these kinds of people away from me and from other like minded people who don't have their heads in the clouds about bicycles or sing songs about Druids. I suppose that anything that inspires you to the point of creativity or passion is meritorious. That being said, I am smarter than you and thus my opinions hold much more water. To then end this post after the last point... save yourselves youth of America, contribute your piss an' vinegar to something that really matters, find hobbies that don't make others point and stare... and get some fucking jobs.


-Johnnyboy

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