Monday, September 12, 2011

Books That Should be Written Vol. 3

Hey people. How are you? I don't care. Last night I posted something quite serious about, 9/11. To offset the somber note I left this blog on, I shall honor you with more books that I think should be written. Read, become inspired, and then don't bother me.

1. SHIT!
Shit follows the story of the darkest day in this blogger's life. The day I was coming home from breakfast and shit my pants instead of the innocent fart which I had anticipated. A story of pain, it is only a few pages long and ends with me getting my front seat steam cleaned.

2. Winds of Time
An ancient mariner, Morty, returns to his mystical land to find that nothing is as it seems. His wife is nowhere to be found, his children are missing and the council of elders' chamber is empty. After a pretty slow moving three days, Morty the mariner stumbles upon some bullshit dog and pony show about the end of the world and realizes his kids and all the rest of 'em have taken off on a long hike to find a gold fleece or something. Morty gets tanked and takes a nap.

3. De-fence
A scrappy, rough-and-tumble football team made up of inner city youths finds itself thrust into the limelight when their coach finds out he has, cancer, AIDS, Diabeetus and Crabs all at the same time. This inspires the little team of minorities to come together and play some serious Gatdamn football. They reach the national championship where to their horror, the coach finds out all of his diseases are gone. With nothing to play for they end up robbing the other teams.

4. Lets Get the Lead Out
A pencil company exec has to face reality after his pencils end up in the hands of stupid kids. He must come to grips with the fact that lead is much more than just a writing instrument, it is also a Zeppelin. He spends the rest of his days stalking Pete Townshend who to his bemusement, is almost enjoying the stalking until he realizes that Townshend was in, "The Who." He then shoots himself.

5. Just This Once, Phil
Badger Whackstick is a new father. He is terrified and wants to do a good job. He absolutely obsesses over his baby son. Nothing but the best for Badger's boy. The words, "Just This Once, Phil" will however, forever haunt Badger after a night of drinking where his overweight, dipshit of a friend Phil swears that he can juggle a rabid possum and a baby at the same time.

1 comment:

Svelte Leonard said...