2. Every once in a while, wear a tie.
This is a very thought out approach to camouflage a life made up of complete misery, drunkenness, womanizing and theft with a little bit of class. I used to have a saying back in college, "never let 'em see the wizard." I used to use this expression when I was referring to girls and not letting them see the "real" you. I used to get alot of flack for that saying, and alot from Jon. He thought it was lame. Now, 5 years later, he's not saying it... he's fucking living it. There is no reason for this man to ever wear a tie, unless he is at a funeral, wedding or his inevitable arraignment, trial and sentencing. That being said... it looks good. Every man looks good in a tie, and theres no denying it. A tie says to all those who see the person, "this guy either has money, a decent job, or has a large inheritance." The cold truth is much different, but that's not the point. While you have that tie on, you're Don Draper, in real life... you're more like Don Carney; kinda funny, used to have an edge but now you're just fucking dead. That last analogy was not meant just for Jon, but for you, dear reader; you fucking hump.
I don't know much about what Jon does for a living. I have no idea what a day in the life of Jon at work is like but from what I can tell, it basically consists of making copies, discussing lunch options with "clients" and prank calling me. For the past few years, Jon has been "making moves", to quote the man himself. Not only has he been making moves, he's been smugly holding them over his friends' heads. A. if that is the case... the moves are baby steps as he is still in the same boat as the rest of us to one degree or another. B. He has made no moves whatsoever and leaves home in the morning and sits in libraries, coffee shops and museums until he can come home after a "long day's work." Either case, the man makes an interesting point. Who wants to be around a loser? If I told it like it was to everyone, I would only have a friend or two left. No one wants to hear the true story. Gussy that tale of woe and heartbreak up, and if possible, throw a nice job into the mix. I have no doubt that Jon will be a success one day, he is talented enough and intelligent enough; and if he doesn't... well, I want to say "good", but I can't do that. If he doesn't I'm sure one of us will bail him out. Won't be me though, I'll probably still be in school.
4. Always look on the bright side.
I did NOT learn this from Jon. Jon will always look at things in the worst way so that if they turn out good, it will be a pleasant surprise for him. He believes this to the point where at one time I was worried that he was contemplating suicide when he was actually excited about a date. Listen people, always look on the bright side of life. I believe that firmly because if we don't we will all become like Jon. The world has one J.A.F... and it doesn't need, nor could it survive another. If you don't know Jon, this won't make much sense, but to all of those who are reading this who do know the man... lemme guess, seconds ago when you read, "The world has one J.A.F... and it doesn't need, nor could it survive another..", you smiled to yourself, chuckled to yourself, cringed or whatever, but you fucking agreed.
5. Have a role model.
I'll finish this list off with this most important of points. I know Jon has some role models, in fact I'm pretty sure I could name a couple. But I think they suck, and this is my post, so I give you... Old Gil Gunderson. Jon and Gil are not alike really, but in a way parallels can be drawn. Look at that picture of up there and lets see, they both wear a tie, they both have desk jobs, they both keep bottles of antacids around, and they both have a defeatist attitude and low expectations all the time. Come to think of it, they're not only alike... they're the exact same person. Jon Gunderson. It sounds good. Having a role model will lead you in the right direction, and if it doesn't... in the words of the man I am honoring, "I could really care less, I have my own shit to deal with."
To be clear, this post is in no way an attack on Jon. It's an attack on you, and more importantly me. I have to be friends with this guy.