Monday, February 23, 2009

America's Obsession With The Oscars

Well, it's all over folks... Oscars that is. We have to wait another year to watch a boring spectacle featuring the most unbelievably pretentious celebrities the earth has ever puked up. Sean Penn.... no one cares about your politics. He made a jab at protestors during his acceptance speech. How liberal and free is that! I guess in Penn's mind it is only acceptable to protest or yell loudly, or scream whole-heartedly when whatever you're screaming about is something that Penn agrees with. Moving on, it was just really fucking boring. Hugh Jackman... tried but fell far short of the mark. So what to do? Heckle! Without further ado, this is a full transcript of Jon and I ripping the awards apart via AIM.

Johnnyboy (10:06:46 PM): Apeshit, the new fragrance by Christopher Walken
jondrama (10:07:02 PM): why?
Johnnyboy (10:07:15 PM): why not?
jondrama (10:08:04 PM): i think Apeshit, a new fragrance by Glenn Danzig
Johnnyboy (10:08:06 PM): NICE, heath ledger just won the academy award
jondrama (10:08:59 PM): he looks different
Johnnyboy (10:09:18 PM): yeah, he looks kind of dead
jondrama (10:33:19 PM): Gee i really dont want to see this slumdog horseshit anymore
Johnnyboy (10:33:31 PM): youre watching too i see
Johnnyboy (10:33:42 PM): yeah im pretty done with wanting to see it
Johnnyboy (10:33:52 PM): this may be one of the worst academy awards ive ever seen
jondrama (10:34:02 PM): well you reeled me in for heat bars award
jondrama (10:34:11 PM): we need to see best actor
Johnnyboy (10:34:38 PM): that isnt until right before the end
jondrama (10:35:09 PM): i actually wanted to see nrost/fixin
Johnnyboy (10:35:14 PM): meh
Johnnyboy (10:35:22 PM): i dont want to see any of these awful movies
Johnnyboy (10:35:23 PM): milk?
jondrama (10:35:33 PM): i dont tolerate lactose
Johnnyboy (10:35:43 PM): the only reason that dude got any press was because he got whacked by a dude who blamed his insanity on junk food
jondrama (10:36:03 PM): who Michael Milk?
Johnnyboy (10:36:13 PM): haha
jondrama (10:36:40 PM): Milky Cabereha
Johnnyboy (10:36:49 PM): jerry lewis?
jondrama (10:36:53 PM): glavin
Johnnyboy (10:37:16 PM): i would so fuck heidi klum with my .... DICK!
jondrama (10:37:44 PM): jerry lewis is like us throwin a 4B tribute to paul w...whats the point
jondrama (10:37:50 PM): daddy wargs
jondrama (10:44:23 PM): i think jerry lewis has jerked off to a pciture of a child...@ least once
Johnnyboy (10:44:56 PM): even worse, i bet out there, there is a child that has jerked off to a picture of jerry lewis.... way more than once
jondrama (10:45:06 PM): guilty
jondrama (10:45:16 PM): i am right now
Johnnyboy (10:45:38 PM): who wrote the pizza boy sketch?guilty....
jondrama (10:45:54 PM): thats a good example of a great sketch
Johnnyboy (10:46:21 PM): jerry looked.... off
jondrama (10:46:34 PM): great now when lewis dies we gotta hear all this shit about it

jondrama (10:48:17 PM): i dont love him, but i respect that he was funny in his younger years
jondrama (10:48:27 PM): and he influence ppl i like
Johnnyboy (10:48:33 PM): i respect his body of work
jondrama (10:49:13 PM): i thought george carlin made better movies
Johnnyboy (10:49:23 PM): i thought everyone made better movies
jondrama (10:49:26 PM): bill and ted, jersey girl
Johnnyboy (10:50:12 PM): yeah but j lewis beat him by living longer
jondrama (10:50:24 PM): i dislike huge cocksmen (Hugh Jackman)
Johnnyboy719 (10:50:32 PM): hes terrible this year
jondrama (10:50:51 PM): i liked him better in 97
Johnnyboy (10:51:13 PM): i liketed him better when i didnt know he existed
jondrama (10:51:14 PM): defiance, shh

Johnnyboy (10:51:53 PM): youre right
Johnnyboy (10:52:51 PM): nominated for best song in a motion picture, Glenn Danzig, Art Garfunkel, Mos Def and Clint Eastwood.... Gran Torino
jondrama (10:54:04 PM): zac effron looks like a robot
Johnnyboy (10:54:30 PM): he looks like a young jared leto. i guess hollywood just keeps churning out jared leto look alikes
jondrama (10:55:29 PM): im sick of dogdick hundredair
Johnnyboy (10:55:46 PM): so am i
Johnnyboy (10:56:07 PM): after best song, you have actress actor, director, foreign film and best movie
Johnnyboy (10:56:14 PM): so at least the good shit will be coming up

(At this point a lavish performance of whatever Indian bullshit song was nominated from Slumcock Fuckstickair)

jondrama (10:56:31 PM): that is how the next xmas party should be
Johnnyboy (10:56:44 PM): like this song?
jondrama (10:56:56 PM): start planning
Johnnyboy (10:57:04 PM): why do i feel like this is the kinda song you hear right before the terrorists cut off your head?
jondrama (10:58:12 PM): i really dont love his music, but john legend is still better than most new r&b
jondrama (10:58:37 PM): he tries to be old school, but yes i know...
jondrama (10:58:47 PM): he should sit in the back of the bus
Johnnyboy (10:58:50 PM): i like the song from the blacksinger!
jondrama (10:59:17 PM): hahaha
Johnnyboy (10:59:23 PM): this is awful
jondrama (10:59:26 PM): did you see the drummer in the aisle
jondrama (10:59:45 PM): i wish i could do that at the oscars...
Johnnyboy (11:00:13 PM): i can just imagine my grandmothers reaction to this spectacle, shes watching it right now
jondrama (11:00:17 PM): but naked w/ only thre drums hiding my charlie browns
jondrama (11:00:42 PM): lot of dark meat on stage, cripes
Johnnyboy (11:01:13 PM): this is some bullshit

(A. Rahman and Some dude named S. Gulzar have just been announced as winners for best song, for Slumfuck Thousandair)

jondrama (11:01:18 PM): ghoulzar???
jondrama (11:01:24 PM): LOL
Johnnyboy (11:01:25 PM): YES GHOULZAR!!!
Johnnyboy (11:01:47 PM): sounds like a ghostbusters arch villain
jondrama (11:02:16 PM): hahaha
jondrama (11:02:23 PM): this is a disaster
Johnnyboy (11:03:36 PM): hey mom, dad, this is Ghoulzar, she and i are to be wed.
Johnnyboy (11:03:51 PM): it and i *

(An Asian man accepting for best foreign film has just captivated the audience by say "Sank ooo" about five times because he can't speak English.)

jondrama (11:07:56 PM): spoken like a true prodigy
Johnnyboy (11:08:11 PM): seinfeld four!!!
jondrama (11:08:25 PM): he always here
jondrama (11:08:44 PM): ah i hope mickey wins and thats it
Johnnyboy (11:09:11 PM): that and i hope meryl streep doesnt win anything, or that cunt anne hathaway
jondrama (11:11:39 PM): ill take mickey or richard jenkins from stealing harvard to win
jondrama (11:11:48 PM): or trapped in paradise
Johnnyboy (11:12:35 PM): little brooks should be up soon
Johnnyboy (11:12:42 PM): whitmore died like two weeks ago
jondrama (11:13:06 PM): jaws died?
Johnnyboy (11:13:13 PM): yeah, sad day for me
Johnnyboy (11:14:29 PM): ha
Johnnyboy (11:14:46 PM): alone on the bus
jondrama (11:14:50 PM): didnt chuck heston die a while ago
Johnnyboy (11:15:29 PM): they keep brining him up.... just so we dont fuckin forget

In the end... it was pretty bad. Sean Penn won because he played a gay guy, Kate Winslet won because she was in a movie about nazis, Slumdog Millionaire won because... well it was actually a pretty shitty year for movies. That being said, I'm looking forward to next year. Toodles movie fans!

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